Melee Thoughts: Over-Thinking, Feelings, Improvement
So this might turn out to be a bit of a ramble, but hey-ho. I've been wanting to get some of my thoughts in regards to Melee out on paper a bit better, as they've been very overwhelming as of recent and I feel this might be a good way to suppress/answer them. (sorry if this just becomes a vent)
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| Me_IRL |
The first thing I'd like to get down would be over-thinking when playing. This would be over-analysing situations down to the micro, which could include any number of emotional responses; which in turn take a serious toll on my mental state and focus. My brain likes to get very ahead of itself, so far ahead it feels like my hands can't keep up. In my daily life this is a pretty regular thing for me to do and is something I have trouble dealing with, so this is probably an example of exterior problems affecting the game.
Ego is still a huge burden for me and is most likely linked to what I just previously described. My description of it isn't necessarily 'I just think I'm better than I am', but I have high expectations - sometimes appointed by myself and other times the pressure of it by others. These feelings or whatever you want to call them spill over into Melee very easily and can cause a lot of distress for me. A neutral win can be an emotional blow because of the perspective I hold it at; I get angry that I'm not living up to the expectations basically, but I guess one mistake or losing to someone you don't normally, shouldn't really be a factor. Anger also piles onto the already large stack of issues, which causes self-confidence problems - because you lashed out at a video game you lose respect for yourself. It does all link together, it makes me think that the work I'm putting in isn't good enough.
I've been trying to find new ways to improve and they've all been pretty much unsuccessful. I tried a pretty difficult schedule which eventually just lead to burn-out with me feeling like I learned nothing. I've tried some match analysis which just feels like I'm doing it for the sake of it, again feeling like I learned nothing. Time spent does not equal time well spent, but how do I figure out what I need to improve. Maybe I am improving steadily, perhaps even hugely? I need to know how I'm doing in order to stay motivated, and if I can't see little improvements then I'm in a slump. I also can't see improvements if I'm not confident in what I want to improve.
The pressure of my sponsor and upcoming tournaments stop me from wanting to take a break of any kind, and encourage me to push on despite the difficulties. Not that I could if I wanted too I'm physically incapable of being able to stop playing Melee at this point. I'm not very confident it would have an affect in the long-term anyway.
So I guess I should send this off with some ideas I have to counter this stuff. I have no idea lol. This is the hardest hurdle/plateau I've ever had and I'm gonna have to have a serious think about this one. I feel writing this out is a good first step and will hopefully point my dumb ass brain in the right direction.
