I am lying here at 3AM after a long exhausting day of competing, unable to sleep for whatever reason. I've decided to (instead of tossing and turning) sip on some coffee, listen to some comfortable music and write out my thoughts regarding motivations, goals and drive. Usual disclaimer that these are just my personal experiences and you're free to interpret it differently.
So a good place to begin would be: "What made you wonder about such topics in the first place?".
For many of us who play competitive Melee, these topics will have crossed paths with our thought process at some point. It's quite natural to wonder what exactly it is that pushes you. Lately my urge to practice and perform in tournament has been very lackluster, even just to want to play the game for enjoyment purposes. So such a change in behaviour for quite a period of time has caused me to ask these sorts of questions. One of my main drives I feel should be the enjoyment I take in pursuing higher peaks of improvement in both the game and myself. But that just doesn't appear to be there from what I can see currently.
The problem is that I say 'should be'. Is that really what I feel, or what I would like to be? I think my goals/drive/motivations whatever you want to call it actually lie in a selfish potentially egotistical way. I think the old days when people would say I was overrated etc was what had me riled up the most. I believe I want to maintain a self-image almost like a pedestal (basically a ranking) which I can show off. This is something I actually hate that I'm like, but have come to accept for the moment as it will be necessary for growth in my opinion. The real conclusion here is whether or not this is a healthy motivation to utilise or whether it will cause me to crash under my own pride.
I think getting opinions from others and doing some research on the subject would help me find the answers I'm looking for. I feel this is the sort of introspective process you have to do in order to jump over hurdles and it won't be easy to find.
The only other thing I can think of adding would be perhaps my 'settling' as it were with my current skill level. Heir was a big event for me and a lot of preparation went into achieving the goals I set for myself - and I achieved those goals and managed to go a little further. So perhaps there's some stage here were I need to reset myself, or that placing was enough to prove myself.
I'm glad to be able to actually write out some thoughts, because it means I can set out some points to research and see if it applies to my thinking. I would appreciate any opinions that any of you may have which could point me in the direction; or even if you would like to share your own experience that would be cool.
Until next time,
Peace - Tmuff
