Melee Update Summer 2018
So there's been a lot of uncertainties since my `retirement` and I haven't done one of these in awhile; so let's kill two birds with one stone I guess. To quickly summarise why I stopped playing, it was mainly due to: stress, mental health issues, and a massive increase in challenges. The larger challenges would be settings larger goals for myself, I realised that right after being accepted to the Genesis 5 compendium that things weren't going to be easy for me. I then vanished.
So why am I here again? I don't know really. I wanted to come back to the community to see old friends and potentially fill a place that would be a bit different - like a coach or a tournament organiser. Now I've been drawn into playing and competing again, however without deliberately practising and preparing like I did before. This isn't as stressful, but it feels like a waste of time - if I'm not playing at 100% (even though it's fun), what's the point?
I went to the most recent Bailrigg, mainly as a chill out event to hang out with people. Then suddenly Prof and Frenzy signed up and I felt a weight on my shoulders:
"I don't want to have to try. If I don't try then I'll look bad". Stupid things like that.
I was put in an uncomfortable, but familiar position where I had to actually compete. Sure, this is a choice, but like I said I don't like to do things half-assed. Along with this I was recently funded for Heir and this also got me thinking. What do I even play at the event? When I thought about playing other characters or just turning up hungover (LOL), it just didn't sit right with my competitive nature (yet again). So this means I will be playing Fox at Heir and try to be competitive; minus all the preparation like I usually do. Don't count me on this though, things can change and if I'm choosing not to compete that's a good sign in my books.
I hope this will be the last event I go to again for awhile and I'll try not to disappear after this one, as I very much need to focus on myself. I have let myself fall back in too easily, relapse if you will haha. It is sort of like an addiction when I think about it. It's incredibly annoying that 6 months away has not gained me much progress with myself, but my family seems to think I have so I can hold that.
Ideally, I can get better then eventually come back and hit my proper lifetime Melee goal. 42nd on the Heir rankings was good, but MIOM top 100 would leave me satisfied enough to properly retire.
So why am I here again? I don't know really. I wanted to come back to the community to see old friends and potentially fill a place that would be a bit different - like a coach or a tournament organiser. Now I've been drawn into playing and competing again, however without deliberately practising and preparing like I did before. This isn't as stressful, but it feels like a waste of time - if I'm not playing at 100% (even though it's fun), what's the point?
I went to the most recent Bailrigg, mainly as a chill out event to hang out with people. Then suddenly Prof and Frenzy signed up and I felt a weight on my shoulders:
"I don't want to have to try. If I don't try then I'll look bad". Stupid things like that.
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| Me when being asked to go to a tourney |
I hope this will be the last event I go to again for awhile and I'll try not to disappear after this one, as I very much need to focus on myself. I have let myself fall back in too easily, relapse if you will haha. It is sort of like an addiction when I think about it. It's incredibly annoying that 6 months away has not gained me much progress with myself, but my family seems to think I have so I can hold that.
Ideally, I can get better then eventually come back and hit my proper lifetime Melee goal. 42nd on the Heir rankings was good, but MIOM top 100 would leave me satisfied enough to properly retire.
Until next time, - Tmuff
